Save Your Soul-She Wants Revenge
On Your Knees-The Herbaliser
Burning Up-Ladytron
Viva la Vida-Coldplay
To Be Loved-Joan As Police Woman
Not That Big (Metronomy's Not That Remix)-Temposhark
The Art Of Letting Go-Supermayer
The Conquering Unfinished-Sveyn
Desperate Guys Remix-The Faint
Rat Is Dead (Rage)-CSS
Call It A Ritual-Wolf Parade
610 Revolution-The Heavy Hearts
Osbick Bird-Lucy Michelle
Again & Again-The Bird And The Bee
I Like The Way-Kaskade
Strange Times-The Black Keys
Amazing-George Michael
Lay Me Down-Cyndi Lauper
Secret-Adam Sandler
The Look Of Love (Madison Park Vs. Lenny B Remix)-Nina Simone
Return To Paradise-Shirley Horn / Mark De Clive-Lowe
Waking Up-Bitter:Sweet
Coquette On Horse-Malachi Constant
Echoplex-Nine Inch Nails
Like New-Deer Hunter
To Fix the Gash In Your Head-A Place To Bury Strangers
Forever-Walter Meego
Head Rolls Off-Frightened Rabbit
New Zion-The Mountain Goats
Fugaz-The Pinker Tones
Beautiful Lie-Yoav
Each to Each-The Gutter Twins
Toxic-Yael Naim
Danse en France (Dim Remix)-Fischerspooner
Hercules Theme-Hercules and Love Affair
Oh My God-Mark Ronson Feat. Lily Allen
Stop Me-Mark Ronson
Valerie (Feat. Amy Winehouse)-Mark Ronson
Strangers In The Wind-Cut Copy
One Day Like This-Elbow
Devil's A Go-Go-Blitzen Trapper

Remember when we were just eight years old?

After having spent recess playing four-square,

we flew to Austria via astral projection

and made a deal with benevolent Perchta.

She gave us oodles of Rolos

to feed her cassowary

when she flew off ripping the hearts from the pious,

just like the Aztecs at Tenochtitlan.

The unfortunate side effect of the candy

was to drive the bird to frenzy.

The only way to quiet the creature

was to wear the special suit

and serenade it with a lullaby from her enchanted calliope

whose song gave us thoughts of paradise.

In exchange for petsitting

Perchta blessed us with everlasting cynicism!

You parlayed the curse into a career as a life coach

to the cancerous lepers of Molokai

knowing they'd never heal

and snickering your way to sleep each night.

I, of course, used my treasure

to bring nightmares to the faceless.

In the early days of Nouvelle France,

there lived eight daring lumberjacks.








During the bitterly frigid winters in the forests north of Montreal,

they yearned to be home for the holidays.

To fulfill the seemingly impossible dream,

they invoked Lucifer.


All of them pledged their soul

in return for flying them back to their village in a canoe.

As they sailed across the moonlit sky,

one drunken lumberjack freed himself from the pledge

by calling the name of God and touching the cross on a steeple.

This caused the flying canoe to come crashing down to earth.

They were never seen again.

Inspired by Unibroue's promotional literature for Maudite ale.

A Dominatrix

A Big Brain

Vegetables

A Snappy Outfit

Clothespins

Saran Wrap

Neutrogena Sesame Body Oil

Wrist restraints

Duct Tape

Frozen Plastic Dildoes

Leather or Rubber Sheets

Liquid Latex

Soccer Socks

The Wolfman

A Webcam

An "Open-Wide" Gag

Green Hershey's Syrup

KY Warming Liquid

Padded Blindfold

Remote-controlled Vibrating Egg

Pony Buttplug

Cialis

Handcuffs

Disposable Enemas

Tens Unit

Jockstraps

Nyarlohotep Plushy

Realistic Baby

Chewbacca Action Figure

Turtle Orifice

Boy Butter

Poodle Pumper

A Feisty Mandrill

Manga Twisty

Tinky Winky

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